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Perhaps five-on-three wasn't terribly fair or heroic, but the three in question were fierce enough that it didn't make a lot of difference.


Toph smirked as she stomped the ground, a tremor coming from the earth in the process and knocking the nearby Ty Lee off her feet. Which didn't mean a lot for one such as Ty Lee, but it did free her up long enough for Katara to move in with a blast of water.

"You should pay better attention." That was all the warning that Mei gave before rushing in with one of her signature knives. Which only resulted in a swinging chase of sorts, until both teenage girls unknowingly came to a small mudside and both fell down it.

"Mei!" Regardless of the current scenario, Zuko's head spun as his girlfriend was knocked downward from their position on the plateau. Frowning, he willingly turned his back to his psychotic sister, briefly giving Katara the brief order, "Watch her for me."

From there, the Prince leapt onto the mud and slid back after them, landing smoothly on his feet. Scene getting more intense as Azula whipped up white-hot lightning, Aang took his attention from the other two teenagers and leapt beside Katara, "Y'know, it's not too late to surrender."

"I'd say the same to you, but I'm not really interested in getting a surrender at this point," replied the Fire Princess with a sick grin. From there she hurled forward a wriggling line of lightning.

Of course, lightning was something that all involved knew they had to avoid, and with the current shot of it flying right at Katara, she had to act quickly.

And that involved first of all ducking, then throwing Azula's aim off by way of using a wave of water from her handy pouch to trip the girl up. Which incidentally dropped her right into a nearby body of water that Katara could use for much more if she needed to do so.

Once she broke the surface of the lukewarm spring, Azula screamed angrily, swearing under her breath as she kicked and swam to the surface. The pool was much deeper then it looked while falling.

"Hehe, sorry, but Azula needs me!" Grinning, Ty Lee took that as an opportunity to do backflips all the way over to where the fight had turned, culminating in a large one right past the mud slide and straight to the ground below.

Which Toph took as an opportunity to address her remaining comrade of Sokka, "Well, you know where we've gotta go!" she exclaimed then, before dashing off over to where the rest of the group was herself.

"Yeah, yeah..." Sighing, Sokka ran down into the lower ground, following behind the blind girl. "It's just three of them. How is this taking us that long?"

"Seems like nothing's ever easy with Azula," noted Aang quickly.

From that brief snippet, he leapt clear off the higher ground he'd been occupying, managing to do a perfect swan-dive into the pool. On entry, he grabbed Azula's tunic just as the princess's head broke the surface for a breath and pulled her deeper, constricting her movements with water-bending.

"Heh. Lookin' like it won't take too much longer," Toph said with a smirk as she went barreling down the mudslide, building up a wall of earth as she went that slammed into the nearest antagonistic target of Mei.

The only problem being that Toph had overestimated just how much force she put into this, as well as the spread of her attack. It wound up bumping into Zuko as well, sending both careening into the water along with Aang and Azula while Toph herself began to fall the same direction.

With a quick spin, though, she was able to keep from finding herself victim of her inability to swim, when she used the mud flying with her to form a pair of rock pillars she caught herself on. The only contact she made with the water was her rear falling down into it, just before she propelled herself back to her feet.

Zuko and Mei weren't so lucky. They both landed hard on a shallow part of the pool's exterior, with enough water to about half-cover both as they were lying down. Almost as soon as he was partly-submerged, Zuko sat up again, sputtering and coughing. "Toph! You couldn't wait for us both to get clear?!" Frowning grumpily, Zuko rose to his feet, dizzy and disoriented, "Mm... Mei, you okay?"

"I have felt better." Perfectly deadpan as ever was Mei's reply, though despite her and Zuko's positions on different sides at the moment she did ask as she stood up, "What about you?"

"I'm...." Wait... Dizziness wearing off. Something was definitely wrong. The Prince still had the same height as Mei but... he face was softer. Rounder. The dark make-up she wore seemed more obvious and jarring. She looked...

"Yeah, yeah..." Sokka still had Space Sword drawn, looking cautiously at Ty Lee, who was limberly lingering to the wayside. Not willing to take her eyes off her, he still took note of the pool behind them, speaking to his sister, "Uh... Aang and Azula have been down there a while."

"Right." Figuring that Azula had been down there long enough to restrain her, Katara took that as a cue to use her waterbending prowess to lift the two from the waters below - culminating in throwing both to the ground with a little more force than Katara would normally use on Aang, logic on her part being that any hit on Azula counted and Aang could take it.

Which left Ty Lee. Apparently, though, she knew when to quit, as when Toph moved a foot in her direction Ty Lee raised her hands and asked, "Hehe, so long as everyone else has stopped, why fight?"

Glancing at his outfit and finding it baggy and loose as well as soaking wet, Zuko looked alarmed, "What's going o-"


The water blew upwards as two tiny objects shot out from the inside after the Water bending performance by Katara. It wouldn't be so startling, it one such bundle wasn't screaming and the other letting out what sounded like a "Weee!"

Of course, between the mystery 'weee!' and Zuko's reaction, everyone had plenty of things to be focused on. The more obvious due to how much louder it was what became of Katara's efforts, but in Mei's case her disinterest was destined to turned to Zuko.

And even her face seemed to mildly react to the sight of him. That lead to the girl surveying her own clothes, finding them loose and sagging about as well. "I believe we have made some sort of mistake."

"Oh, God..." Having just realized what had happened, Zuko bent down and looked at his reflection in the water he was standing shin-high in. Sure enough, a seven-year-old blinked back at him, looking bright and innocent. The only difference between this and how he looked in his actual boyhood was his lingering scar, "Yes. A big mistake."

"Because childhood was so great the first time," Mei mumbled. Well, first order of business was to step out of the water, giving a chance for her clothes to drip dry properly. "Terrific."

"Aang?" Katara had gotten fairly wet herself from the splash that came as a result of her actions, but she didn't even think about that at the moment. Rushing over to where she had dropped the Avatar, she asked, "Are you alright?"

"Th' fall kinda hurt my booty..." Mumbled out the Avatar, hand raising to rub his bald head. Standing up to a shakey pair of legs, he tried catching his bearings, only to fall down again, laughing, "Hehe... Tha' was fun, 'dough... Where's Azoowa?"

"HEY!" The Fire princess stood herself, angry and shrill as she announced, "'Dis isn't ova Affataw! We're gonn' take you in... fer..." The Water Tribesman was standing next to her, as was the blind girl. The first thing that came to Azula's mind was the question of how they both got so tall. "Fer my daddy..."

And as Toph took notice of that, she couldn't help but wonder... Still, the former teen looked too occupied with themselves to give her a judgment at the moment, and with some rare fright over that she didn't even notice what had happened to Aang and Azula. "Hey, Sokka! Come here and tell me if I look any different to you!" The girl had not changed, as it turned out, but there was a transformation in regards to her underwear that she didn't quite notice even as her rear began to put it to use.

"Ha!" Taking advantage of that distraction and her own speed, Ty Lee came running through. Babies were cute, but she'd have to think on that later - for now, she settled for scooping each up in one arm in one fluid motion and dashing off.

"Hey!" And that got Katara's attention enough that she didn't even notice as she seemed to be dwindling in size herself. Chasing behind, she shouted, "What do you think you're doing?"

"Katara, wait!" Sokka began running after his sister before tripping over an unseen rock. Not surprising, given his typical luck... With a sigh, he rose back to his feet, looking back to the little blind girl, "Toph, quick! Use your feet-tracking skills and see how far... Ew..." The Water Tribesman wrinkled his nose, "Toph... I know you don't bathe enough, but you smell way worse than usual."

"Yeah, I think I know what it is," announced the little Prince, comprehension dawning on him as he approached. "Toph- you just crapped yourself. Before you make any complaints about it- remember that Mei and I have both gotten about ten years younger just now!"

"... What?" Toph would have been quick to deny things, but her sense for telling when someone was lying in this case took away her right to deniability. "For the record - if anything, I've lost out on this."

"We'll agree to disagree." That was said with Mei's usual biting tongue, though afterward she did take into mind something about the surrounding area. Or rather, something that wasn't about. "We're missing someone."

"Huh..." Aang was a baby. Azula was a baby. Zuko and Mei were little kids. Toph was pooping herself... Suddenly, Sokka let out an unexpected grin, putting his hands proudly on his hips, "Y'know what? For once, the lucky guy turned out to be me. And nuts to you, I want to take a second to enjoy it!"

- - - - -

"Katawa!" Meanwhile, Aang didn't like the fact that he'd been captured one bit. Frowning at the big-breasted acrobat, he began squirming in her arms, kicking his legs and attempting to escape. When that didn't seem to do much, he growled, and used what little teeth he had to bite Ty Lee on the arm.

"Yes, we haff' you now, Affa-taw!" Azula was kept from doing her typical gleeful speech any further when Ty Lee hit a bump in the road. The realization of where she was hit her and she flushed red, "Ty Lee! Cawwy th' Affataw but put me down!"

"Huh?" Between the biting - which didn't do much to hurt Ty Lee - and Azula's words, the acrobat couldn't help but come to a stop in confusion. "Well--"

"Now hold on!" And that gave Katara enough time to catch up. "You don't really think you're just going to get away, do you?"

- - - - -

"Hey, if we don't turn back, I doubt it'll take you ten years to get potty trained!" The scarred little boy tugged on his baggy clothes before pointing to himself, "Because that's how far we're going to need to go!"

"Aaaaaand, moment's over." Turning around to face all the shorter members of his lingering group, Sokka surveyed them with a wide smile. "Heh... First things first- we need to get Toph some new pants."

"And I can't very much handle that myself..." Toph lamented, pouting a bit as she said, "And that ten years thing? Yeah, way my parents are, if they got wind of this I'd probably be facing bottles and diapers for life."

What with usually being around Azula it wasn't often that Mei had to pipe up to be a voice of reason, but this was one such occasion as she flatly asked, "Not that I should complain, but you do realize that Azula has the Avatar, right?"

"Oh, blah, blah about your parents," growled out Zuko angrily before pointing at his face, "You might not know about this, but I have a big-"

"You two- quiet!" While bossing the children felt weirdly satisfying, Sokka needed to think over Mei's advice. Grinning and rubbing his chin, he suggested, "Heh. Azula might be a bit more concerned with learning to feed herself then catching Aang right now. Maybe I was just distracted with Toph's smell."

Looking over toward the direction his sister had given chase in, he asked, "Toph, can you track them down? Like, feel the vibrations and stuff?"

"I guess, though they might already be pretty far from here. We can try and keep up at least." After answering that question, though, the girl had to admit, "You know, I'd love to keep chatting but seriously, I'm getting kind of annoyed with this whole poopy diaper thing. Think one of you could do something about that?"

Right after Toph asked, things went silent for a moment. As Mei looked about the other members of the group, though, and realized what thing made her and Toph different from Sokka and Zuko, she was quick to say, "No."

Zuko had a similar repulsion, half-stepping back from the blind girl and asking in semi-disgust, "Hm. Is it really, really bothering you?"

"Ah, it's a shame Katara's not here," said Sokka, having pulled a face as he neared the shorter girl. "She's practically built for this stuff."

Toph's answer to the prince's question came in the form of a request, "Next time you need to go, just do it in your pants and tell me if you prefer it over the usual."

"Zuko and I need new clothes too," Mei quickly tacked on as a counter to that, motioning to the wet clothes as she said, "Because leaving them on while wet is perfectly safe."

"Hmm..." Thinking of unconventional solutions to problems was Sokka specialty. While this wasn't exactly brain surgery, he did still grin all the wider as he snapped his fingers, "Got it! Zuko, take your shirt off!"

Times being what they were, Zuko was all too happy to obey, pulling the slopping wet garment over his head and handing it to Sokka. The next moment however, he turned pink from his clearly-reduced upper body.

Not dwelling on the little boy's embarrassment though, Sokka soon just got to wringing the shirt out and getting as much water as he could out before telling Mei, "If you can take anything off, it'd probably be good. I dunno how far it'll be back to town, and the more spare-diapers we'll have for Toph, the better."

"Whatever." At that, Mei did begin to remove layers of clothing, though she couldn't readily take everything off given present company and lack of suitable things to cover with.

And as she set her clothes aside for Sokka to also wring them out, Toph took the opportunity to say, "So ya know, if we can fix this we are never mentioning it again."

"Seconded," grumbled out Zuko, crossing his arms over his scrawny chest. "Who would believe us anyway?"

"Pft. Maybe you guys won't tell anyone," chimed in Sokka with a snicker. With all the clothes wrung out and only mildly damp, he figured he'd it was time to change Toph, but of course he couldn't help but reach down and tickle her under the chin, "Isum a good widdew Toph?"

Perhaps something was a little more wrong than it seemed, as Toph's first reaction to that was a brief, childish giggle. She quickly caught herself though, warning, "Do that again, and I'll dump you in the lake too, got it?"

"At the rate he's going, one of us might beat you to it." With that said, Mei sighed before walking over and seating herself on a large nearby rock.

"Hey, I happen to be the grown-up here," announced Sokka, pointing to himself. "So that puts me in charge, meaning you guys have to do what I say, by definition."

Standing up beside his shrunken girlfriend, Zuko growled out, "We're two elemental benders and a knife throwing expert. We're more dangerous then you, so by definition, you do what we say."

"....." Not willing to dwell on that too much longer, Sokka held Zuko's shirt to the little girl present, "So. Mei. How 'bout that diaper change now?"

- - - - -

"See these little cuties?" Ty Lee was smiling as she held up first Aang then Azula for Katara's benefit, "I was going to go find the nearest group of soldiers and tell'em to send a message to the Fire Lord about them! Wanna come?"

"Uh, no." As a bit of water began to emerge from Katara's pouch and circle her hands, she said, "And Aang won't be going with you either."

Aang did like being called cute, but getting hauled out in front of all those Fire Nation soldiers didn't sit well with the tiny Avatar. They all wore such scary masks! "Uh-huh! I wan'sa stay wiff' Katawa!"

"Ty Wee! Put me down!" Okay, they had the Avatar, which was good, but Azula certainly didn't like being held against her friend's chest in this manner. Not wanting to take the stupid boy's route of trying to bite, she put her feet against Ty Lee's stomach and tried to pry her arm away from her torso.

At exactly the same time, Aang had the same idea, and with Ty Lee distracted, the two babies were able to work together to break her grip. Unfortunately, this sent both falling to the ground, and while Aang was able to use some lingering Airbender agility with a touch of grace, mainly by blowing on the ground and slowly his decent, Azula hit the dirt path hard, lightly bruising her soft, tiny body.

No harm no foul for Aang. Getting back on his little feet, he waddled happily toward Katara, hands out above his head toward her. On the other hand, the Fire Princess began bawling.


Ty Lee was always one to easily be distracted, and few things get as distracting as a crying baby. The acrobat was swift to scoop Azula up, beginning to coo down at the infant who was also her friend since childhood. "Shh, shh - dun' cry! Dun' cwy!"

"Aang!" Katara took that as an opening to rush in to grab hold of the boy; the only problem being that her clothes her very loose on her right now, and trying to run in them only caused her to trip.

"Woops!" Aang barely stepped out of the way as Katara hit the ground. Looking at the little girl's shrunken form caused the baby to let out a little giggle, but feeling guilty immediately afterward, he toddled over to make up. With a tiny kiss to the cheek, he got on all fours and crawled under Katara's shrunken form, snuggling up to her.

That did a lot to get a smile out of Katara even after tripping, though it didn't distract from the important thing at hand at the moment. Taking advantage of Aang's snuggling, Katara took the boy into one arm, raising herself with the other before then moving it to helping further support the little airbender.

The ability to stop crying took a few moments to fulfill for the little Princess. As she was rocked and held however, she slowly backslid into maturity. And anger. The baby's body became unnaturally hot as the teenager held it, and biting on her fist, Azula growled out, "I-I wan' my daddy."

Before she could take off, though, Ty Lee had something to say about that, "Hee, you probably shouldn't go and run off all alone. You're kinda little right now, and you don't really know where they are - plus, I wouldn't have any problem catching you, and we have to find Mei before we can go home anyway!"

Which Ty Lee used as a jumping-off point to further baby talk Azula, "You'll see your daddy again real soon! Right after we find Mei-Mei!"

"Mm....." That did sound good to Azula at least. She liked having Mei and Ty Lee together... Something about how she was being spoken to rubbed her the wrong way, though. After a long, angry glare at Ty Lee, she pointed at Aang, "An' him too. I wann' take him wif' us."

"Hmm..." Aang was starting to get a sense of the bigger picture as he was held. First of all, while he liked being around Katara, he missed everyone else. There was also the fact that he was a baby right now, but that seemed like it could take a moment before he could worry about it. Of course, Ty Lee's suggestion made sense... Cuddling up to the Waterbender, he asked, "Katawa? 'Dey're wight, we hafta fin' Sokka an' Toph, an' Zoooko an' Appa. 'Dey c'n help us, wight?"

"I hope so, Aang," was the extent of the little girl's reply, head turning to Ty Lee as she answered, "Fine. But when we find them, don't expect me to just hand Aang over - you're not taking him back with you."

"Hehe, funny thing about that is if he stays a baby it won't matter!" While she moved Azula to being held with only one arm, Ty Lee pointed in a random direction in the sky, "Comet's coming, you know?"

Katara's expression alone was enough to show that she hadn't quite thought of that.

"Nuh-uh, we gotsa take 'em anyway," hissed out Azula. "Daddy said we hasta bwing him da affeetah!" The little princess gave a wise nod afterward, feeling in-control and being oblivious to the light hissing sound coming from her diaper.

"H-Hey, yeah!" Flushing, Aang suddenly looked all the more worried about that himself, snuggling into Katara's chest, "I fergot 'bout 'dat! Katawa, wh-what am I gonn' do? I..." Already as a twelve-year-old, Aang had trouble carrying the weight of the world. As a two-year-old, it seemed that much more impossible to bear. Whimpering, he curled into Katara's arms, "I cann' 'fail 'gain..."

"Aw, Aang..." As Katara quickly took to hugging the boy rather than just holding him, she assured him, "You won't fail. We'll figure out a way to fix this."

It did perhaps ruin the moment a bit, though, when Katara's attention was distracted by Ty Lee cheerfully lifting Azula in the air above her with a cry of, "Ooo, I think someone did a pee-pee!"

"Mm..." Kinda made the baby feel better, just hearing Katara say that. Soon enough his thumb went into his mouth as he was hugged, leaning into the little girl's chest. After closing his eyes, he mumbled out something the monks used to tell him, "Fountun of Yoof'."

"AH! Dun' pick me up wike 'dat!" Squeaked Azula angrily. Once held this high up, seeing the enormous figure of Ty Lee under her, she almost immediately started kicking her feet. As she realized what the big girl just said, the feeling of an irritating, wet diaper struck her brain from moving her legs around so much. Face flushing, and then contorting into anger, she protested to herself, Ty Lee, the Avatar, and the entire universe, "I-I DIDN'T PEE MESELF!"

Katara had two different things to react to at the moment, and it was a little tough to decide which should come first.

Aang was a higher priority, though, and so she quickly asked the boy, "What was that?" Afterward, though, she turned her attention to Azula by way of teasing, "Well, I haven't done any bending..."

"Da fountun of Yoof?" Repeating that phrase, maybe it was the infantile belief in fairy tales, but Aang added, "Ooo! Dis stawwy th' Monks tol' me! See, 'dis pool or wake, wight? You swim 'wound in it, an' you come out younger!" Tugging on the little girl's shirt, he added, "It's weal! Dat mus' be what we fell in, Katawa!"

"Hm." With that detail in mind, Katara did have to ponder things for a second before asking, "Do you remember if there was any way to undo it? Or if it runs out after awhile or something?"

"Uh..." Aang sucked this thumb for a moment, perked up just from knowing the cause of his condition. After pondering his memories of the story, he shook his head, "Dun 'memba.... 'Cause, I didn't hear th' stawwy since I wassa big boy. I mean, since I was widdle." After that contradictory statement, the baby giggled at his own sillyness before adding, "Heee... Since a wong time 'go."

"Okay, Aang. I understand..." Still, it wasn't exactly something that was good to hear, "Listen, if you remember anything at all tell me, okay?"

"Kay!" With that promise made, Aang cuddled up to Katara, snuggling her. Hearing the commotion with the princess and her caretaker however, he turned around, squirming and giggling, "Hehehe... Azoowa's a naughty baby, huh?"

And that led Ty Lee to ask, "Will you be usin' those clothes? We're gonna need some diapers for the babies!"

"NO! Dun' need diapies!" Shouted Azula in protest. Her body suddenly got very hot again, to the point that she'd be uncomfortable to hold if Ty Lee wasn't doing so through her clothes, "I'ma Fia Nashun pwincuss an' I dun wear diapies! Not eva!"

"Aww, I think someone's all grumpy 'causea that pee-pee..." Smiling despite that, Ty Lee was quick to assure the girl, "We'll clean that up nice and quick!"

"You're not 'wistenin' ta meeee!" One of Azula's hands shot out a series of blue sparks, burning Ty Lee's feet as they went to the ground. "I'm not gwumpy 'cause I did pee-pee! I'm gwumpy 'cause I dun needs diapies! An' I didn't pee-pee either!"

"Eep!" When Ty Lee felt a very weak flame hit her feet, she couldn't help but lose her footing. She was spared a fall, however, thanks to years of acrobatic skill letting her land on one foot and one hand while holding Azula in the other arm, a second later jumping back to her feet properly.

"You've gotta be careful, okay?" Smiling if only to keep from upsetting Azula any further, a second later Ty Lee used one finger to poke at the front of the little princess's diaper, "See, though? That's pee-pee!"

"I..." Azula couldn't be helpless, she just couldn't.... Glaring with the heat of a thousand suns at Ty Lee, she wiggled about when her diaper got poked. It felt so icky... A new one might be nice. Finally speaking in a low growl, she demanded, "You dun talk ta anybody 'bout 'dis!"

"Aw, but you're so cute!" Even despite the girl's anger, Ty Lee kept right on smiling. She quickly turned over to where Katara and Aang stood, holding up Azula to ask, "See, isn't she cute?"

"Well, cutest homicidal maniac I've ever seen." Smirking, Katara quickly went on to say, "We need to worry about rounding up diapers and clothes for them, though - and for that matter, I'm going to need new clothes myself..."

"Oh..." Now that Aang thought about it, Katara's clothes were still soaked from the water from the fountain. Thinking about that, he patted his little palms against her flat chest, feeling the soft wet "splat" from the damp cloth and asking, "So 'dis means Katawa needsa diapie change too? You are pwetty wet."

"Heh..." Cute question, though Katara didn't exactly like to think of the possibilities of it. Instead, she simply answered in an understanding voice, "Well, I don't wear diapers, Aang, but my clothes are wet so I'll need to change those. Understand?"

"Grrr..." Azula grabbed one of Ty Lee's fingers, her hand hot enough to give it a light burn, "Stop pawadin' me 'wound! I dun wansa be cute!" Whipping her head around as best she could the baby's inner twisted genius shone through and threatened, "'Member, if I gwows up 'gain, I c'n kick yer butt if you're mean ta me! An' if I stays wike 'dis, my Daddy c'n punish you if I tell him you're not takin' extwa good care of me!"

"Ow!" While that burn certainly didn't feel good, Ty Lee didn't let it take her focus off Azula for more than a second, "Aw, I think I know why you're so grumpy - I betcha need a nap, don't ya?"

"I'm gwumpy 'cause I'ma baby!" shouted out the little princess, squirming all the more. "You twy bein' a baby an' see how happy you feels!"

"I dun feel too bad 'bout it," quipped Aang. He did giggle a little at Katara's comments, but soon put his brain to thinking about the problem. Azula needed diapers really fast, and he would want one on hand for when he needed it. How could they get diapers fast?

"Ooo..." Aang's pockets were so much smaller, the item he was soon digging for was poking into his skin. With a big smile, he soon held up in both hands the caller of their transport, "Wook, I gots Appa's whistle! He c'n takes us!"
Avatar: The Mystic Spring
Promo: [link]
Part 1: [----]
Part 2: [link]
Part 3: [link]
Part 4: [link]
Part 5: [link]
Part 6: [link]

Here we go, part one of the little Avatar story worked on by me and :iconlizuka:. We had fun making it, hope you'll have fun reading it. ^^

Not a whole lot to say here... I think Mai and Sokka were the characters who came out the best from this, although toward the end, Mai and Zuko really start to steal the show. In retrospect the question on who played Aang and who played Azula might not've been handled quite right as it left the two for little back-and-forth... Ah, well. Still came out good, I think.

Thoughts? Questions? Love? Hate? Anything? Hope you'll enjoy!
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Richforce Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
nice job
Lance-the-young Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
Thanks. ^^
Aquaguardianoflight Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010
Okay, I got only so far, then had to stop. While you're written work has always been a bit different, it was always fairly well done.

...Until now... I'm sorry, but this... this needs some work. It needs editing, some lines appear to be out of order, and there's a SERIOUS lack of description at certain points that leaves the reader wondering '...WTF did I just miss here?'. Now it's not ALL terrible, I had to make an assumption at points to figure out what was happening and eventually got the jist of things... kinda... still feeling a bit lost now and then...
Lance-the-young Featured By Owner Dec 9, 2010
Well, apparently I didn't edit it nicely enough from the RP format. Ah, well.
Wildear18 Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010
i greatly enjoyed it, i can't wait to see how this turns out
growyoung Featured By Owner Dec 6, 2010
I like! Fanfiction's great.
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